


in which the author complains about tropes and other things

by blood_and_gore



Series: Marvel fics [6]
Category: DCU (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Metafiction - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Comics Wanda is better than MCU Wanda, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Good Wanda Maximoff, Hints of racism, Identity Porn, Meta, Metafiction, Musicals, Racism, Snark, Superhero Culture, Superheroes, Transphobia, Tropes, all characters are strongly implied to be characters from the MCU but no names are ever mentioned, god i hate that term, i hate that term too, millennial culture, stage directions, tHoSe dAmn MiLlenNiaLs, why isn't that a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blood_and_gore/pseuds/blood_and_gore
Summary: a series of one-shots strongly implied to be about characters from the MCU and other films.featuring: me being mad at the writers, musical AUs, and comic versions replacing their film counterparts. alternates between character studies and shameless crack.





	1. totally not Miles Morales

He's a superhero, that's what he is.

Beloved to the city, one of the founding members of the Latest-Superhero-Group, protector of the defenseless.

.

He's probably bi or something, that must be why he fights for those queers- trans people can't have that much physical strength, much less his so-called "powers."

And, of course, he can't be gay; he has some sort of romance with Insert-Female-Superhero-Character. All the fans know it- there are ship names, there are people who dress up as them in incredibly creative homemade cosplays, even fanfiction. He probably doesn't want to dig that deeply into it, they say, but the authors tend to leave little notes asking him to visit and give an autograph.

.

He must be white, of course.

.

He must be little-known in real life. All the superheroes are. He probably works a little desk job somewhere, maybe Superman-esque with a journalism degree.

.

He's got to be in his thirties or something, because everyone knows millennials can't work hard enough.

.

Of course, the Twitter Q&A in which he stated his "gender" is probably fake. Staged by those damn millennials. Why would a superhero claim to be a kid, anyway? And everyone knows you're either a boy or a girl. You can't be both. That Twitter account probably isn't even run by the superhero.

.

The Intrepid Young Reporter, in their costume on the roof of a building invariably located in New York, snaps another selfie.


	2. definitely not about Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new musical?

**DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT LOKI: A NEW MUSICAL**  
Off-Broadway premiere!

**Scene 1**

(Lights up on TRICKSTER GOD, lying on the floor, center stage. He is wearing tight leather pants and a helmet with metal horns. His hair has glitter in it for some reason.)

TRICKSTER GOD (singing): You hear my name, you silly cis, and it fills you with surprise  
You underpowered human with your makeup and your fancy clothes  
You rely on makeup and hardly resort to lies  
No superpowers here to see, oh no  
(Vocal riff)

THUNDER GOD: Brother! You must stop killing all these innocent people!

TRICKSTER GOD: Why tho?

THUNDER GOD: Do you not know? Murder is bad! My magic screwdriver told me so!

GREEN GUY: Science!

ENGINEER (singing): I already believed in aliens, but this fills me with surprise  
Because the other members of my team all hate me  
It gets played for laughs while I nearly die

ENSEMBLE: And he gets employed by the government in the comics in the future!

ARCHER: That doesn't fucking rhyme! What is wrong with you people? Why are you singing?

(Brief dance interlude. The final two choruses to "Nobody" by Mitski play over the sound system, fading back into the instrumental music to whatever this song will be called.)

TRICKSTER GOD, to ARCHER (sung): It's okay. I'm under mind control  
And you're an underpowered human with bad taste in clothes

ENSEMBLE: It's okay, he's under mind control...

TRICKSTER GOD: And I'll make allusions that I'm vaguely beholden to a powerful purple guy!

(Blackout. All exit. FATHER GOD enters.)

FATHER GOD: Son, I have something to tell you.

TRICKSTER GOD: You love me? You're proud of me? Oh boy, after all these years of watching my brother commit war crimes and seduce random women, and me just standing by to clean up the mess and learn magic, I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time! Say, Dad, why don't we go play kickball? And you can tell me how much you approve of my actions?

(Brief pause. Ensemble slowly creeps back in, listening intently.)

FATHER GOD: You're adopted, and we indoctrinated you to hate yourself. Also, your brother trashed your room.

ENSEMBLE: And you're an underpowered human with bad taste in clothes, oh!

(Various vocal riffs.)

("Nobody" plays again.)


End file.
